Otter Know Better than anthropomorphism

I was amused to read the back page of the Daily Telegraph this week. I don't usually do this, the weather maps and related information look rather intimidating, but I do pick it up sometimes when abroad on holiday. This happens usually after ten days of a self-proclaimed and wife-enforced no-news policy. I then give up and stand alarmingly close to Brits on holiday in the hope of reading over their shoulders that the weather is miraculously better in Ireland than it is in Spain.

But, as Ronnie Corbett regularly says, I digress.

Back to the back page of the Telegraph.

Ignoring "the producer", and picking up the paper in the office, I allowed myself to be charmed by the "Nature Notes", something I suspect I'm far too removed from the landed set to read.

"Young otter climbing trees is 'rebelling'" it informed me solemnly. It appears that staff at Slimbridge Wetland Centre in Gloucestershire have been surprised to see a young female otter regularly scrambling up the branches of a nearby tree.

Given that otters do not usually climb trees - at any rate, not in Gloucestershire, they think she may have been "'flexing her teenage muscles' and trying to prove herself."

"'It's the otter equivalent of stomping upstairs to your room and slamming the door.' said Sally Munro, a spokesman for the centre."

Now I like this story. I like the idea of a grumpy otter shoving one in the direction of Mum and Dad, who, bewildered at the stroppy behaviour of their offspring, shrug their shoulders in resignation and get on with trying to catch some fish to feed her little brother.

But in truth, I can't really say I believe this is what is going on. I spent a traumatic afternoon last weekend helping my 12 year old daughter write a poem about the seasons with an example of anthropomorphism in the last line of every verse. I strongly suspect there's an unhealthy dose of it - anthropomorphism that is - going on here. Our young female otter, manifestly not human, is being endowed with human characteristics and motives by the Slimbridge staff.

Otters, I believe, are not especially human. There is no way we can possibly know that one is having a fit of teenage rebellion. But it's fun to imagine, I'll give you that.

Having said all that. Belfast Zoo once reported the escape of a teenage monkey which hadn't been getting on with its Dad. I didn't really mind the anthropomorphism. What I loved about that story was that after a few days of freedom to roam anywhere he wanted in North Belfast, the monkey reappeared at the zoo gates one morning, wanting back in.

Well North Belfast always was a difficult place for Primates.

Photo Excellence

Have you ever wondered why your photos never seem to be as good as those other dudes on Flickr? Heck I do. Maybe we need to think about it a bit more. My thanks to photographer, Marketing Manager and my friend, David Healey (no, not the footballer) for permission to pass on his thoughts on some basic steps you can take to achieve better results. Believe me, he knows what he's talking about.

1. Never buy a camera without an eye level (optical preferably) viewfinder, unless you are willing to carry a tripod with you.

2. The larger the film format or sensor size, and the higher the quality setting that you set your digital camera to, the better quality will be the end result – all other things being equal.

3. Never fall for the lie that it doesn’t matter how you take it, you can always sort it out and make it a decent picture in the darkroom/computer: you cannot ‘make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear’. Get it right before you take it.

4. Read the manual.

5. Invest in a tripod.

6. Spend money on high quality lenses, rather than exotic camera features.

7. Hold the camera properly: assuming it has a viewfinder, hold it up to your face with both hands holding the camera. For an SLR hold the camera in your right hand, and use the left to support the camera from below the lens with your thumb the left i.e. holding the lens in your palm of your hand.

8. Use daylight wherever possible (…it gives much more natural lighting than flash) and have the subject side lit. Light coming from behind you will lead to boring, shadowless photos, and light coming from in front of you (expect in certain circumstances like sunsets) will lead to lens flare and your main subject will be in shadow.

9. Take photos (in Europe) before 10 am and after 4pm in the summer (or 11 am and 3pm in winter) as the illumination is warmer (so more pleasing to the eye) and shadows longer.

10. Lean to avoid the two (most often confused) basic errors of photography: camera shake (resulting in double images – see 4 and 6) and incorrect focus (possible even with an autofocus camera). Unsharp mask in Photoshop will not solve these basic errors.

11. Before you take the photo, look carefully around the viewfinder (or screen if that is all you have) to see if
- there are things (e.g. road signs) that you do not want in the picture
- the composition is poor e.g. a tree is growing out of the subject’s head
- or the subject is too far away i.e. too small
- or there is something in the foreground of your nice landscape which is visually distracting
Recompose the photo.

12. When pressing the shutter release, there is not need to surprise it by sharply jabbing it. Press it gently first to allow the camera to work out the focus and exposure, and then press it all the way down gently to take the photo, when you and the subject are ready.

13. Use a tripod or other means of steadying the camera in poor light.

14. When taking landscapes or big views turn the auto flash off…it will not help to use flash because the main subject is so far away.

15. Once you get the photos, work out why some did not work: improve your technique by thinking about your photos and looking at other people’s. Bin the bad ones.

Base Tunes.

I've been worried about all those adverts recently about being four times more likely to crash if you drive whilst using a mobile phone.

In a fit of lip service my employer - agents of whom ring me on the road constantly - gave me a wee lead with earphones - alas, too short to reach anywhere useful a phone might rest. So for a while I used a bluetooth earpiece, but the darned thing really hurts my ear. And I really resent driving for miles with it in - only for no one to ring me.

So last week I splashed out - in one of those impulse techbuys we don't tell our wives about - I bought a Belkin Tunebase.

Well the big news is that it works. It lets me play audio from my iPhone and also deals with incoming calls through the car stereo. Although frankly, I wish Audi and Volkswagen had bothered to make an audio jack input for their new cars as standard in 2007 and 2008 - but then I'm harking back to my post about car manufacturers a couple of posts ago. And I still haven't worked out if it routes calls through to me even if I'm just listening to the radio or a cd. I suspect not though.

Still, for days I've been hammering about the six counties listening to some music but mostly talking books and podcasts. And sometimes thinking about the job. The quality is - meh, it's okay. Not stunning. Just okay. And you do have to retune a lot. But no big deal really.

So what's the bad news? Well - Belkin say it holds any shape or model of iPod or iPhone and it does. But it copes badly with the weight of an iPhone, meaning it constantly flops about the place, getting in the way of my gear lever. The flexible arm simple isn't strong enough, although I imagine it laughs in the face of an iPod Nano and spits on the hard drive heaviness of an iPod Classic. The iPhone however, is its nemesis.

It's hopelessly inelegant, and listen up Belkin, for modern gadget technology, that's a really big no-no. And it didn't cost thruppence either (writes a grandson of Ballymena)

The Duke is in the building!

Stop Press: The Duke of Oklahoma is now here. Have listened. Might have to buy a stetson

Get out of 1st Gear!

It's about three years ago now that the family badly needed a runaround car - so I bought a used demonstrator off the forecourt of a local Ford garage - a tiny Ka. It was 2006, yet to my amazement, the car radio boasted a - wait for it - a cassette deck. "A what?" cried my children in confusion. And I could hardly blame them. They quite honestly didn't know what it was. I had already formed a poor impression of the speed with which car manufacturers keep up with technology developed outside their own spheres. This did nothing to change my mind. They're woeful, quite woeful. Years of mp3 players and what did they come up with? A stereo minijack socket. Inspired.

So pardon me if I don't join the clamour of excitement at the recent news that manufacturers have pledged to make DAB standard in new cars by 2013. Would that be anything to do with the fact that the UK government wants to turn off analogue radio by 2015?

In other words, they're being forced into it. No sign of initiative at all. Ireland shouldn't miss out on this - in case you are wondering. RTE says DAB is the future of radio too, and DAB is already available in the Irish Republic.

For now - DAB radio for cars - those that are currently on the market - are generally thought to be pretty good. But you'd be hard pressed to find one fitted on the forecourt. There are already products like Pure's Highway . I like Pure's DAB radios - there are a couple in our home, and one wakes me up every morning. Whilst I'm sure this one is excellent - well, it looks like a bit of a clunky inelegant add-on to me. You even have to stick the aerial onto the windscreen...

The point is, the electronics should be built into the car, not stuck onto the window with a big suction cup.

Could we coin "Car Manufacturers" to mean the exact opposite of "Early Adopters"?

A Land fit for Heroes

I've always been a fan of older films about World War II - not because I wish I had been there, quite the contrary as it happens. But there are some very intelligent and thoughtful pieces of work, particularly The Cruel Sea. But today I had 158 miles to drive, so I got to thinking.

Often the veterans spoke of fighting just to get through it, to defeat a clear evil in the Nazis, but many spoke of hoping to make a new world. I wonder what those who didn't make it through alive would think of 2009. Would it be the world they'd fought for?

So I tested this as I hammered southwards towards Belfast. What would a 1945 soldier make of my life? Our island? My car? My home? My standard of living? My diet? My health provision? My life expectancy? I imagine he'd think I was in some kind of post-war paradise.

Then I got to thinking about our culture. What if he was shown 64 years into the future? That was an easy one to test. I simply tried everything available on the car radio. Harry Potter CD - mmm not sure. BBC Radio Ulster - Hugo Duncan. BBC Radio 4 - a rather incomprehensible play. BBC Radio 2 - Steve Wright discussing the fathers of Del Boy and Rodney. U105 and Citybeat were playing rock, and Classic FM was advertising its relaxing cds. I was glad there was no TV...

I'm not saying this is all bad stuff. I just wondered if the poor man would be able to tell me whether he'd won or lost...

The Duke of Oklahoma

I've just clicked and paid on Paypal - to buy a CD. Been a bit of a while since I last did that rather than opting for the digital download, but this time it's with good reason.

Singer-songwriter Anthony Toner - originally from the north Coast of Northern Ireland - has released a new album called "The Duke of Oklahoma and Other stories." Now it's almost unheard of for me to order an album having heard none of the songs on it - but Anthony is different. For a start, there isn't a bad song on either of his first two offerings, "Eventually" (2002) and "A Sky for Every Day" (2008). Both got a good deal of airplay from radio stations in Northern Ireland, but "A Sky for Every Day" got a lot of commercial airplay, partly because Anthony's work was becoming better known, but especially for "Sailortown", a catchy and nostalgic look at the changing face of Belfast.

I've always loved his stuff, and the critics agree, so I'm perfectly happy to take the risk, for really, it's no risk at all.

Truth be told though, there's a particular pleasure in listening to work by a man who writes about people and places you know. I first met Anthony in a shop queue when we were both about fifteen. I first heard "Look at them dancing" whilst listening to a demo cassette in his car, parked on the drive outside his house. Then as now, I like to think I can guess who he's writing about - and it really doesn't matter if I am right or not. I'll just look out for a package on the mat when I come home from work this week.

Catch his launch night for the new album at the Errigle on October 22nd.

He's a fine artist, and worthy of your attention. Mind you he's an ugly beggar.